Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The Supreme Nominee

Washington, DC--- Legendary social activist and religious leader J.H. Christ was nominated to the Supreme Court by President Obama today to fill the vacancy created by retiring Justice John Paul Stevens. The nomination, announced from the White House, sparked an immediate furor among conservative Republicans on Capitol Hill, who denounced the nominee in clear, unambiguous terms.

"This is no time for radical so-called progressives to be seated on the highest court in the land," said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConell. "We need experienced balanced jurisprudence, not people such as Mr. Christ with clear socialist agendas."

"Christ has no prior judicial experience," claimed Sen Lindsey Graham. "Are there no other qualified candidates? Christ's public statements to date suggest he is more interested in a Supreme Being than the Supreme Court."

Though mostly welcomed by Congressional liberals and progressives, several legislators expressed concern about the nominee's ambiguous statements about pending court cases on taxes, inheritance laws, and the separation of church and state. Jewish leaders were also mixed about the prospects for the man who would occupy the Court's third Jewish seat.

US Chamber of Commerce President JH Adams expressed deep concern over Christ's views on private property rights.

The mood on Capitol Hill was succinctly summed up by Sen Orrin Hatch, who paused at the reporters' microphones before heading into a key Congressional hearing: "Jesus H. Christ !! Can't we do better than that ?!?"

1 comment:

  1. Very funny. You have missed your calling as a satirist.